So, I buy a different brand of toilet paper than my usual and quickly realize its superiority. Exiting the bathroom, TP roll held high, I exclaim to my husband, “I love this toilet paper!”

“Like you love me?” he says.

Okay, so I’ll be the first to admit I use the word love very loosely. For me, it seems to apply to everything for which I have a fascination: permanent or temporary. I love toilet paper, chocolate, my husband.

In my heart I know and understand the difference, but if I am casually attaching the word here and there to lifeless objects, how do I let my husband Josh know my love for him is so much greater than my casual love for everything else?

Over time we have developed our own little system for personalizing the popular three-word phrase. There are times that call for the simplicity of the common “I love you,” but there are also many times to make the expression fun, fascinating and perfectly personal.

Josh is a computer game aficionado (a.k.a addict). I am well aware of his undying love for video games and his desire to spend hours with them. I know he couldn’t imagine life without a game system. So he emails me a one-liner. It’s all I need to hear: “I love you more than video games.” What he is really saying is that all of those things he loves about video games—they’re about me. He loves to spend time with me; he can’t imagine life without me; and, well, there just might be a subtle reference to the fact that he also likes to push my buttons every now and then.

I often take the time to tell him I love him more than chocolate. On the surface it might seem shallow—but he is well aware of the psychological power the confection holds over me. He knows chocolate can whisk me from a tearful state into giddy happiness. He knows how I crave it, need it, want it. So sometimes, after sitting there, eyes shut, slowly allowing the chocolate to melt in my mouth, I tell him, “You know I love chocolate, but I love you more.”

He also knows how much I enjoy curling up with a good book or discovering an incredible new author. So I make sure to look up at him from over the pages and whisper, “I love you more than books.” We smile at each other and pause to kiss. A perfect break in a perfect book.

Now we’ve been married nearly seven years. As time passes and we continue to create memories together, the phrase never fails to bring smiles to our faces and a spark to our marriage. We discover new places and passions, in turn creating new phrases before old ones turn commonplace. I know he loves me more than Scientific American, the Redwood Forest and pizza. He knows I love him more than Maui, Reader’s Digest and coffee.

And when we say it, we know we are more than willing to live it. He might pause in the middle of a video game to come upstairs and give me a hug. I might leaf through our Maui photo album, wishing I was back on the beach but letting him know I would never trade the routines of life with him for a life alone on the island.

For us, this system takes the three little words that are so easily taken for granted in marriage and makes them personal and heartfelt. And it shows that we’ve taken the time to dig deep and express ourselves rather than just tossing three easy words into the air.

So, fill in the blank for the man or woman you love. What means a lot to you? Is there something your spouse knows you really care about and maybe even feels sidelined by sometimes? It doesn’t mean the other things you are passionate about are bad. It doesn’t mean you have to give them up. It just means you recognize your passions and priorities, you acknowledge your spouse and you realize what really matters in life. Then you express it.

Make it fun, make it personal, make it romantic. You’ll be surprised by how fast you’re putting smiles on each other’s faces and sparking fresh gratitude and appreciation in each other’s hearts. And you’ll realize how silly it really is to say you love toilet paper. At least I did.

By Tammy Wood - Copyright Tammy Wood © 2005.